Although she is not my own, I have fallen. This amazing little girl made my heart skip a beat the first time she said she loved me. I was deeply touched when she shared with her father she missed me as I was in California on a brief vacation…California will always have my heart but because of these two individuals, St. Louis now holds me hostage.
After being a student for nineteen years, the hat is being hung up for a while. I have no idea how this next part of life’s journey will go and to be frank I’m terrified. All I’ve ever been is a student and now I no longer have those expectations. I no longer have countless assignments and to-do lists in my head. On top of that, although I’ve been blessed and found employment right away it’s not exactly where I desire to be in respect to furthering my skills sets, etc. I’m giving myself six months to find something more appropriate and crossing my fingers that one of the fellowships I applied contact me soon with a congratulations email instead of another denial filled with your an excellent candidate but we decided to go another route. I understand that rejection only makes us stronger but sometimes, just very tiny moments, I question if I need to go through so much? I mean life was amazing until August 2012. After one death, another death, finishing school (yeah) but constant rejection from doctoral programs (tear), I’d rather finally get a piece of mind around my career aspirations so my mind can be boggled down with only social obligations (like love, marriage, staying in St. Louis, moving back to Cali, etc)
I’m going to continue putting myself out there and risk being rejected. Cheers to Vulnerability!