Cheers to Vulnerability

Every man after his own order

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“If you think about disaster, you will get it. Brood about death and you hasten your demise. Think positively and masterfully, with confidence and faith, and life becomes more secure, more fraught with action, richer in achievement and experience.”

― Swami Sivananda

Filed under wisdom truth quotes livelife

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“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’”

― Eleanor Roosevelt

Filed under wisdom face fear be vulnerable

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A Child’s Love

Although she is not my own, I have fallen. This amazing little girl made my heart skip a beat the first time she said she loved me. I was deeply touched when she shared with her father she missed me as I was in California on a brief vacation…California will always have my heart but because of these two individuals, St. Louis now holds me hostage. 

Filed under love relocation peace content

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Big Changes

After being a student for nineteen years, the hat is being hung up for a while. I have no idea how this next part of life’s journey will go and to be frank I’m terrified. All I’ve ever been is a student and now I no longer have those expectations. I no longer have countless assignments and to-do lists in my head. On top of that, although I’ve been blessed and found employment right away it’s not exactly where I desire to be in respect to furthering my skills sets, etc. I’m giving myself six months to find something more appropriate and crossing my fingers that one of the fellowships I applied contact me soon with a congratulations email instead of another denial filled with your an excellent candidate but we decided to go another route. I understand that rejection only makes us stronger but sometimes, just very tiny moments, I question if I need to go through so much? I mean life was amazing until August 2012. After one death, another death, finishing school (yeah) but constant rejection from doctoral programs (tear), I’d rather finally get a piece of mind around my career aspirations so my mind can be boggled down with only social obligations (like love, marriage, staying in St. Louis, moving back to Cali, etc)

I’m going to continue putting myself out there and risk being rejected. Cheers to Vulnerability!

Filed under life graduation vulnerability

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Within eight hours I will be going to the first of many appointments to attend as support for someone I love dearly who is dealing with having an autoimmune disease. I am so nervous, I can’t get offline and go to bed. I’ve been doing so much research on the disease since I became somewhat aware of their diagnosis and even more when my hypothesis was confirmed. It’s such a fascinating disease especially since it effects each and every person differently. I continue to try to identify the symptoms present in front of me and connect them with symptoms other people are having so I can provide techniques on how to deal with them from people who are experiencing similar issues but one day I fear that won’t be enough. I fear that I’ve let myself be vulnerable and develop a deep relationship with this individual who may one day decide they no longer what me in their lives for whatever reason that be or whom may be called before their time. I don’t want to be selfish, I cherish every moment we share together yet the fear still lingers. 

Filed under ms chronic illness hidden pain searching for answers